On Getting Older

  ' Growing older means different things to different people.  To some it means being free to travel to the places they have only dreamed of. To others, it might mean finally being able to just stay home. To relax and not have to think about getting up and heading out to work. Others might think of it as a time to spend sharing talents and love. Of course, there are those who love just spending time with family and friends.
   For me, getting older means something entirely different. It means being alone most of the time. It means not having anyone to share those special moments with. It means crying alone over a sentimental TV show or not being able to share a passage from an excellent novel. It means going to bed alone night after night and missing that other body that used to lie beside me. It means knowing that there are very few people out there who really care what happens to me. It means going days and days without hearing the phone ring, or having someone knock on my door for an unexpected visit.  It means not really having a purpose to my life anymore. What I did and said used to matter, but now getting anyone's attention long enough to have them listen to me is almost impossible. It means that growing older has put me on a shelf where I am left like an old "knick' knack" that nobody cares about any longer.'

I wrote this last year in June. I found it today stuck in a magazine.  Looking back, I am wondering what happened to put me in this much of a "funk." There are times that I do get depressed, some of the reasons are mentioned in the paragraphs above. But, in the grand scheme of things, I am damn lucky in a lot of respects, too. I am healthy for my age, I have enough money to at least get by, I have an adoring family and lots of friends. So, maybe I need to rethink and do some retrospection about my life, get on with it, and make the most of what years there are ahead. Who knows how much trouble I can get into by charging ahead!

I saw a quote earlier today that went something like this: "When my life is over I don't want it to end quietly because I was cautious, I want to come sliding into the end saying,' damn, what a ride.'"

Until next time,
Peace,
JE